No Backward Glances
by Cyranothe2nd
Summary: A follow up to "Anticipation". Erik and Christine have experienced passion but will remorse shatter what they shared?


A/N: This is a companion piece to my fic, Anticipation, and should be read (and reviewed!) after that one.

No Backward Glances 

I woke to the unfamiliar feeling of a male body pressed against my back. I pushed against it and felt Erik's arms tighten around me and a long sigh tickled the hairs on my neck. I relaxed into him and let my eyes flutter closed again. And then I froze as the night before came back in one swift burst.

_Oh god. Oh god! _

I squeezed my eyes shut until I saw stars, trying to quell the tide of panic rising in me. I had betrayed Raoul. I had… I had…my cheeks burned even as my body tingled and I remembered how I had kissed Erik, how I had touched him, how I had allowed him to touch _me_…

_Oh god. Oh god! OH GOD!_

I slowly and carefully extricated myself from the tangle of his limbs and reached out into the darkness. There was a candle and a box of matchsticks on the nightstand, just as I remembered. I pulled them both to me with trembling fingers. It took several tries before I could get the candle going but finally the wick caught and I was encircled with the steady golden glow of the flame.

I sat back against the headboard for a moment, staring into the light as though it could save me, as though it could explain to me how this had happened. My hand moved across the coverlet and came in contact with a length of silk. The blindfold- I recalled pulling it from my eyes as I collapsed beside Erik after…I jerked my hand away. My eyes went to the sleeping form next to me of their own accord.

He was not wearing the mask. It was only the second time I had ever seem him without it but somehow the terrible Death's head was not so terrible when it was relaxed in sleep. The candlelight lent a glow to his pale skin. The twisted lips were soft in repose and even that horrible cavern where a nose should be seemed somehow less dreadful. Erik looked like nothing more than a man, deformed yes, but not frightening.

What was frightening was the rush of emotion in my heart as I looked on him, lying so peacefully there.

_Oh Christine, how could you have done this?_

I had no answer. I closed my eyes, pressing my hands to my face as though I could shut out my own thoughts. I felt the bed move beside me and pulled my hands away to see Erik looking at me.

"Good morning," he said. His voice was deep with sleep and warm with affection.

"Um...ah…" I said intelligently. His lips curved into a smile and I found myself smiling back. Then I noticed his eyes moving lower and felt my face burn. I clutched the blanket to my bare chest.

"Erik, I-"

Erik's eyes narrowed as I faltered. With a sudden movement he flipped the covers off himself and rose from the bed.

"Don't."

"Erik, please, we need to-"

"No," he said in an unexpectedly small voice. He was turned away from me and I could see his shoulders shaking with emotion. "No," he repeated.

"Erik, last night was amazing but it was wrong. I am engaged to another man. I cannot-"

He turned back to me then, his eyes alight with anger. "Spare me your protestations of innocence, Christine! You were no blushing virgin last night!" He walked over to the bed and leaned over me as he spoke. "I gave you ample time to decide what you wished to do. I did not coerce you with my voice, though it would have been easy enough. Nor did I touch you or kiss you without your express invitation." My senses swam with his nearness. The memory of those kisses, those touches, and the memory of Erik inside me momentarily overwhelmed my senses. I shivered and Erik saw it. His eyes darkened with desire. His lips were only inches from mine. All I need do was reach up…

He stepped back, breaking the moment. My heart hammered in my chest.

"What do you want from me Erik? I love Raoul. I am to be his wife! What do you want from me?"

"I want you." Erik said simply. "All of you…without reservation, without second thoughts or backward glances. All. Or nothing." He did not wait for me to answer, just turned and walked out of the room. I sat frozen for a long moment before I slid off the bed and padded into the bathroom. I lit the gaslights and stared at my reflection in the only mirror in the house. My lips were swollen and my hair was in disarray and there was a lurid purple mark above my right breast where Erik's lips had lingered. I looked dissolute. I looked satisfied.

I turned from the mirror and climbed, shaking, into the bath.

_All or nothing. All or nothing. All or nothing._

Could I give him everything? Could I consent to be Erik's wife?

It was only when I emerged from the bath that I saw a glimmer of gold on my bedside table. I came closer to investigate and found that it was Raoul's ring. I picked it up, examining it as though for the first time. Then I set it down again, went to my little desk and pulled out paper and ink. I wrote out two short letters.

_Raoul,_ said the first_, please accept this ring with my dearest wishes. I cannot marry you. Please forgive, Your Christine. _

The second said simply;_ Erik, All._

FIN

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A/N: Apologies in advance for the blatant shippiness and modernity of this fic. It was the plot bunny that wouldn't die. Please review, I love a full inbox!


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